Nigeria's Online Blog

Love — online or otherwise — can be blind, but for one Illinois man, it turned out to be devastating, emotionally and financially. After giving $200,000 to a "woman" he met online, but never in person, the "woman" turned out to be a crook, and his money is long gone.

Most of us are savvy enough not to turn over money to strangers in the real or digital world. This poor guy —age 48 — wired varying amounts of money to different bank accounts in the United States, as well as places like England, Nigeria and Malaysia, over more than two years to his "love."

The only way the scam came to light in recent days is because he went to police in Naperville, Ill., where he lives, asking for help to rescue the "woman." He believed she "had been kidnapped in London," according to what police told The Naperville Sun.

The only proof the man had of his love's existence was an ID card that was provided to him; it was, in fact, a sample driver's license from Florida, the police said.

"According to the report, when the officer stated the female did not exist, the man 'was in disbelief,' " the newspaper said.

So are we. But our heart goes out to this guy, no matter what. Our wallets— well, we'll keep them in our pockets, thank you very much.

Objects with a “don’t touch” sign are the most appealing to touch. That is human nature - reason why just-turned-21 year olds search for X-rated movies and consume booze and cigarettes as if the later was in short supply. Forbid a man from doing something for long and he will crave the day he will be allowed to do so. Is this true with inter-racial relationships? Looking back at instances like Tupelo, Mississippi in the 50’s and 60’s where a Negro was better off caught with a hundred pounds of coke rather than a white girl, one would expect society’s ease on inter-racial relationship to have opened the floodgates. Case in point; it did not happen.

There is a general, though controversial, theory that inter-racial relationships are based on immediate self-interests. This is most obvious when the age differential is factored in. Does it mean that two individuals from different races cannot overlook racial origins and let LOVE abound? While not acknowledging the immediate interest theory, most people I have spoken to tend to admit that the immediate interest theory holds for both races (Black and White) and also in same race relationships. TRUE: a good proportion of same race relationships are based on a quest for wealth, fame, social standing and even immigration status. Also in inter-racial relationships in which the Black party is famous and/or wealthier e.g. Tiger Woods, OJ Simpson, Ashley Cole, Venus Williams etc, theory of immediate interest is easily acknowledged. Why then the difficulty to acknowledge when the scenario is reversed? Let’s keep aside the chronic example of a 27 year-old unemployed and illegal Black male hanging around with a 50 year-old 3 time white female divorcee in her S-Class Mercedes. There are inter-racial relationships where both parties are breadwinners, both are educated and both are of good social standing and immigration is not an issue. The latter classic case may be a drop in an ocean of immediate interest based relationships but I must do justice by acknowledging their existence.

A white lady once asked my opinion as to the fragile nature and short lifespan of inter-racial relationships. I made it clear I am no expert in inter-racial relationships but I could confidently voice an opinion from a cultural perspective. I used a hypothetical example to best make my case. I must underscore here that though I refer to myself, I am NOT the male party in the scene below:

It’s a Sunday afternoon and Liza and I are lying on the sofa watching an EPL game. Football is my passion and Liza has come to grudgingly like football given the alternative would be for her to sit by herself in the bedroom or call a friend on Skype. We have been drinking sodas and eating popcorn. As a result of my passion for football and the instability of popcorn, the sofa and floor are littered with popcorn. When the game ends, I would normally sit back and wait to see the highlights of the game that just ended and the highlights of the other games. In a normal setting within the African culture, I would expect Liza to get up and start cleaning the mess. I would like to join her in the cleaning if she is not done by the time the highlights of the other games are over. Instead, Liza asks me to get up and stretches herself on the sofa. As I try to adapt to the cold feel of another seat, she asks again that I get a blanket for her. She wants to nap for a while and wake up fresh to watch Desperate Housewives. I bring her blanket and with her eyes already closed, she reminds me that I will have to do some ironing. I clean our mess and get into the bedroom, look into the mirror and yearn for my culture; then I start my ironing (mine only). When I’m done, I join her in the sitting room and she invites me to her sofa and uses my laps as her pillow. She then starts the dreaded discussion about “us and our future”. Deep in her mind, she believes she can pass for an African lady. I slowly and vividly remind her that clearing the dining table and instantly washing every cup after use when my friends are around does not make her African. It is what she does when we are alone. I look into her eyes and see she sees nothing wrong she has done ‘wrong’ in recent memory. At that point, I close my eyes and gently comb her hair with my fingers. In my mind I seriously miss a Brown Sugar. I open my eyes, look at her and she is very peaceful, only if she knew what was in my mind…

In my opinion, it boils down to what one wants. Relationships are a product of self-engineering. It is not a given that people of same race would share same cultural values. People from different races could well adapt to new cultures. Remember you can find your Mr. Right (athletic build with an 8-pack and a square jaw, 1.8m tall and 87kg mass, with a love for fashion and career oriented, love for kids and real family man) in every culture and race. Likewise, Miss Right (average body-type with gravity defying boobs and a butt elegantly reciprocating the boobs, perfect dentition and a smile that turns heads, 20-inch waist line, 60kg mass and 1.75m tall, without an attitude) is available in every race and culture. Just make a pick, engineer him/her to your specifications and stick to him/her.

*Valentine Che is a Freelance Journalist & Civil Rights Advocate. He may be reached on vallyche@yahoo.com